I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
