It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He felt like a one man threesome
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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