I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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