I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
