why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
