I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
