we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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