If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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