I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
