Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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