think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
