Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
