I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
