i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
