I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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