I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
