I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
