Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
