he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize