You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
