Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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