Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
