I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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