You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
