She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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