Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
