That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
