he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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