Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
