well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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