Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
