dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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