just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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