You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
