The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
