Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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