I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
