Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
