I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
