I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
