I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
