Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
