Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
