I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
