You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
