so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
