Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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