is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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