They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
