Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
