Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
