please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
