When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
false alarm. still invincible.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
they call him Oral-B. enough said
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
