so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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