She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
