We won't sleep together?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
