Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
someone owes me an orgasm
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
