strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
