Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
