I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
