Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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