Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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