A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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