Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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